Camping Adventure

I haven't been posting to my blog as often as I like.  It's as I have nothing to say, imagine that.  Anyway, I have decided to post a story I wrote for a contest.  The contest rules were that the entire story must be all dialogue and not exceed 500 words.  So here you go.

Camping Adventure

“Bobby, what did you just put in your backpack?”

“Nothing. It’s just a souvenir from our camping trip.”

“Bobby…”

“Dad, it’s just a little snake. I found him over by that tree. His name is Slimy and I can feed him and take care of him and he is lonesome. There are no other snakes around. I think he’s all alone. All of the others snakes must have migrated for the winter. Can I keep him Dad; can I?”

“Snakes migrate?”

“Sure they do. Everyone knows that.”

“Listen Bobby, he is a wild animal. We need to respect nature and leave everything as we found it. Now toss him over in that trash can and come help me get this tent into the car.”

“Aw Dad.”

“Not another word. Now lift your side and I’ll back in and….Hey! What the hell is this?”

“What is it dear?”

“You have got to be kidding me. All of you kids…front and center, on the double.”

“What is it Dad? I have to finish doing my nails. This camping is so primitive! I swear I woke up last night with a pine cone stuck in my hair.”

“Okay you little monsters…who put the beaver under the back seat?”

“Dad, I am going to need him for my science class. Last year, my teacher said that seventh grade science will include the study of wild animals. I don’t want to be the only one in class without a beaver.”

“Jackson, not everyone is going to have a beaver. I think a mouse or a frog will do just fine. Now please tell me how I’m supposed to get this thing out of the car.”

“He likes marshmallows. I’ve been feeding them to him for the last week.”

“Well that explains the white sticky-looking stuff all over his face….wait a minute! We’ve had a beaver living in our car for a week?”

“He hasn’t been in the car the whole time. I put him on a leash and walk him after dark. He is really smart. I even taught him to sit.”

“You taught a beaver to sit?”

“I think so. It’s actually kind of hard to see if he is really sitting or not. He may just be squatting.”

“Heh, heh…you said squatting.”

“Shut up Bobby. Listen Dad, I think it may be against the law to let a trained beaver back into the wilds. He’s what you call domesticated.”

“Hmmm, you may be right about that. Okay, the beaver stays, but no snakes!”

“Aw Dad.”

“Honey, bring the kids over. Lunch is ready. We can finish packing after we all have a bite to eat.”

“Alright everyone, over to the picnic table.”

“Pass the Kool-Aid please Bobby.”

“Dad, listen, I can explain.”

“Explain? Explain what? Hey! What the hell is a trout doing in the Kool-Aid pitcher?”

“Please Dad. His name is Floppy and I can feed him and take care of him and he is all alone. His parents must have migrated.”

Miscellaneous Observations

I don't get soccer.  The blown call against the United States confuses me.  I understand mistakes.  They make them all the time in Major League Baseball.  A rerun will show that a guy was safe when he was actually out.  That's just the way the game is played.  But this soccer call was different. It's like a baseball player hits a home run and the umpire calls "Strike Three!"  Maybe the rule is that the goal counts unless the referee has money on the other team.

I have been waiting for Barbara "Band-Wagon" Boxer to make an appearance on the Gulf.  She has made a career out of a simple 2-step process.  Step 1: Wait for something bad to happen. Step 2: If it appears to be popular to speak out against such an event - do so.  Here is her basic script, regardless of the situation: "I am going to get to the bottom of this.  This is a wake-up call."  Sorry Barbara, your sun has set.

I am not a fan of Carly Fiorina or Meg Whitman.  Not because they are women (although I think Meg may secretly be a man) or because they are Republicans .  There is just something about them that I don't trust.  However, they may be the best people for the job.  I am a big fan of business people entering politics.  They know how to get things done.  Carly took a lot of big risks as the head of HP but she got stuff done.  This is a departure from your standard politician who has his or her own 2-step process.  Step 1: Get elected by promising whatever people want to hear.  Step 2: Don't fuck up.  This means they hold onto their jobs by not taking risks - also known as "not getting things done."

BP screwed up.  Now let's move on.  I have not heard them say "unfair" or "no" to anything since this has happened.  They are pouring money into trying to make things better without complaint (aside from the famous "I want my life back" comment).

So, why are we still beating up on them long after the point has been made?

I'm glad I asked.

BP screwed up because we let them screw up.  It's that simple.  Every industry out there has rules to follow; rules they would rather ignore but can't.  The off shore oil thing was different.  There were no rules so they were free to take risks.  Let's face it, BP is not evil, they just made a bad bet.  They put it all on red and spun the wheel.  When it came up black, they got caught.

We are picking on BP because our government is telling us to pick on them.  So long as we blame someone else, we won't notice that our politicians allowed this to happen.  They all took money to look the other way.  They all jumped on the Drill Baby Drill bandwagon.  They all failed to act until it was too late.

Yes, BP screwed up.  They are paying up without a word of complaint.  But, if God spoke up and said "Let he amongst you who is without blame cast the first stone," it would get quiet awfully fast.

I hear the new Toy Story movie is the best one yet.

The Big Lebowski is one of the most overlooked movies of all time.

Robin Hood Sucked.  Russel Crowe, another whose sun has set.

Jim