I can't help myself

I am taking a 2-hour break in the middle of an 18-hour day.  Room service (quesadilla) and CNN - perfect for a brief unwind.

I had no intention of blogging today, but the news is so good I just have to share it.

First of all, as I predicted here (see, I give you tomorrow's news today), every country in the world that is mostly desert is protesting.  Seems like they all just noticed that the ruling party can only rule if you let them.  The best part of this is that it's all mostly peaceful.  Sure, there is violence here and there but most of that is the governments killing people for carrying signs.

The one I want to see fall hardest is Iran.  They applauded Egypt's tumble and then started shooting their own people when they tried to hold an unauthorized pep rally.  By the way, all pep rallies in Iran carry the death penalty...unless it's a pep rally cheering on the Most Benevolent Government.

Next on the Block, the informant known as Curve-ball admitted he made the whole thing up.  For those of you that don't remember, this is the guy that told the Bush administration about the weapons of mass destruction that sent us to war.  Now, this very guy, is broke.  He's been fired by several fast food restaurants for....and I'm not making this up...lying.  It seems Burger King vets its french fry cook more closely that George W's administration.  I get the feeling that Curve-ball left a sticky note on Bush's desk saying, "They got stuff" and Bush called a War Board and said, "Let's go get em."  Then later, alone in his room, he whispered, "Are you proud of me now daddy?"

Finally, there is the John Boehner affair.  It seems that Obama, acting on the recommendation of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and the Secretary of the Department of Defense, wanted to slash the development of a new jet engine most referred to as a giant waste of money.  ($450 million)

John Boehner, champion of cutting all wasteful spending, didn't agree.  Strange.  Why would he want to spend money even the military doesn't want to spend.  Could there be something along the lines of tax cuts for the rich while blaming others for the debt?

Ask the Tea Party.  They surprisingly agreed with Obama.  These junior congressmen went against their fearless Tanned Leader and voted it down.

So what was going on?

Turns out, the engine would have created 7,000 jobs in Boehner's home state.  He denied that was behind it all.  Instead, he insisted by spending money wastefully, he was promoting competition in the "unwanted jet engine" industry.

When will these guy learn that when you get caught with a page in the hallway, admit it and move on.

Boehner is trying to cover up self-serving motives with lies.  By the way, he is two heartbeats away from being our fearless leader.

Time to head back to work at the plant.

They need my super powers or all is lost.

Up, up and away...

jim

FAQs for Our Department of Homeland Defence

I have decided that the Department of Homeland Defense needs some guidance.  As a superhero, it's my job to help out with anything that has to do with Truth, Justice and Wasteful Government Spending.

So, Here we go...

Question #1:  What exactly is Condition Orange?
Answer #1: This is what we in the espionage business refer to as Security Elevator Music.  You know its there, and it feels comforting, but you know deep down that it has no value.

Question #2: I'm a TSA agent.  What is that big metal box over there?
Answer #2: That is an X-ray machine.  It gives you something to do between sandwiches.

Question #3: A guy just tried to get a banana through security. What should I do?
Answer #3: Re-screen the banana and then check for a triggering device, usually located in another piece of fruit.

Question #4: There is a baby with no identification.  Can I run him through the X-ray machine?
Answer #4:  Yes.  This device is never really turned on anyway.

Question #5:  I've been a TSA agent for a few months now.  I have to admit, much of what we do is so stupid I feel embarrassed.
Answer #5: You're fired.

Question #6: Two guys are in line, one has two 3-oz bottles of shampoo while the other has a single 6-oz bottle of shampoo.  What do I do?
Answer #6: Let the first guy through.  Shoot the second; he is clearly a terrorist.

Question #7:  How many donuts can I have per day?
Answer #7:  Two bites between pat-downs. So it really comes down to how big a bite you can take.

Question #8:  I work for immigration.  Who should I grant citizenship to?
Answer #8:  If he vacations in the Pakistani outback, grant the citizenship.  If she is Hungarian with several advanced degrees and is married to an American citizen, look out, she may  be a terrorist trying to take our valuable jobs in the strawberry fields of Bakersfield.

Question #9: Immigration again.  How can we stop people from crossing the border?
Answer #9:  You can't.  However, you can support the thriving American Fence Building Association by putting up structures that the Mexicans can lean their ladders against.

Question #10:  How many terrorist attacks have actually been prevented by the hundreds of billions spent on the Department of Homeland Security.
Answer #10:  No one knows for sure.  That's the beauty of it all.  However, we estimate that between Zero and Five Thousand terrorist attacks have been thwarted.  No, let's make that between Zero and a Billion attacks.

Question #11:  How many schools could have been built is we diverted the funds for Homeland Security to the Department of Education.
Answer #11:  All of them.

I hope they find this helpful.

Well, that was fun but I have a world to save and a plane to catch.

Up, up and away...

Jim