No need to duck and cover

That's right.  The rein of terror that has prevailed in my absence came to a halt the moment I got my cape through customs.

Sorry to blog again so quickly but travel does that to me.

I was in London, at the airport, when the royals kissed on the balcony.  People crowded around televisions cheered and clapped.  I could see that if he'd just scored a touchdown or something.  Actually, looking at Kate, I'd say he scored a big one.

This remains my least favorite airport.  It's as if the person that built it had never flown before.   There are very few signs and those that you do see are confusing.  At one point, I came to a sign as big as a truck.  It had an arrow on it pointing Right (->) to Terminal 1.  Since I was going to Terminal 1, I went right.  I somehow ended up in the Australian outback.  I followed a trail of Kit Kat wrappers I'd wisely left in my tracks and got back to the sign.  This time, there was a "Sherpa" there directing traffic.  I looked at the sign with no idea of how I could have misread it.  So I asked.

Me:  This sign says go right and when I went right, I ended up on the Siberian Tundra.
Him:  Yes, that happens a lot.
Me: What was I suppose to do?
Him: Scoot around the sign on the left side and Then turn right.  You turned to early.
Me:  How was I supposed to know that?
Him:  I'm here to point it out.
Me:  Where were you when I came by 10 minutes ago.
Him:  On my break.  Now move along...there's a good lad.

At first I was confused.  Why hire someone to stand there and direct traffic when a better sign would have done just as well.  Then it hit me.  Tax Breaks.  Someone got a tax break and, just like the GOP predicted, they spent it hiring someone to do a job that didn't need to be done.  This is known as "Expanding the base" or equally well known as "Ren and Stimpy make a budget plan."

Next I tried to get a coke out of a machine.  I put in about 6 Euros and it still wanted more.  I gave up and hit the refund button.  My change came in the form of 2 fatrthings, a pence, three klingons and some kibble.  I'll never understand the money in the UK.

Now here is something that really gets to me.  They do this all all European airports.  They don't tell you what gate your plane leaves from until 30 minutes before the flight departs.  We can tell them hours in advance in the States.  I don't know why they do it here.  My theory is that they like to watch people on the security cameras as they try to sprint the 8 furlongs (metric thing I think) to their gate before their plane takes off.

Time for a little rest and then off to my high school reunion.

Cherrio!


Up, up and away...

Jim

Does this make me famous?

I'm on my way home from Budapest.  They have a brand new airport here.  It's beautiful.  I don't know if you have ever been to LAX international airport.  It's like a third world terminal without the unexploded ordinance laying around.

I will be in London right about the time the Royals are getting married.

CNN told me that the entire world will remember where they were at when this "Event of the Millennium" took place. (Millennium is a really hard word to spell).

I think I am more likely to remember what I have for a snack on the plane flying in.  I have nothing against royalty nor the big pep rally this wedding seems to be generating.  I just don't get it.  I'd think more people would watch the last episode of LOST than the wedding.

I must be an outlier data point.

I am not a basketball fan, but CNN made me watch some highlights.  I saw the Spurs were about to be eliminated when a guy drops in a 3-pointer from outside the building with no time left on the clock.  Wow!  The Spurs go on to win.

Ryan is pitching his budget plan all over his home state.  Getting lots of boos but I think this is actually helping him develop a strategy for responding to criticism.  For example:  His new catch phrase is "Broaden the base."  This mean that cutting taxes will create jobs and thus, more tax payers.

This is a great idea...almost.

Step 1: cut taxes to create jobs
Step 2: more jobs equals more tax payers
Step 3: more tax payers equals a balanced budget

Aside from the fact that Step 1 is a complete fantasy, I like this idea.  2 out of 3 ain't bad.

I see Mitt Rommneneneeny has really stepped up to the plate with the insightful comment of "Obama is on a spending spree."  He puts out this little sound bite and then steps away from the podium as if he's just solved something.  Blaming the other guy implies that he has the solution.

It's like when the GOP says "Gas prices are too high."  People look at them as if they've just created our nations first energy policy.

How come this only works for politicians.  If it worked in the real world, I could point out the window and say, "That plane is blue," and people would gather around to congratulate me as if I'd just invented air travel.

Bottom line: A sound bite is just a string of words that actually does - nothing.

Henry Ford said: "You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do."

My flight boards soon and thus far, I have avoided the giant bag of M&Ms.  I actually have a strategy for this.  I eat as much as I can hold before going to the airport in an attempt to muffle my M&M urge.   This actually works fairly well.

By the time you read this, I will be flying alongside my plane as it crosses the Atlantic.

Time to do something heroic.

Up, up and away...

jim


Time permitting, take a look at this video and see if you see what I see.   We get after the Muslim leaders for not standing up to their radicals and say, "Quit being stupid!"  And yet...