Today, I will start with my crock pot. This is a device that cooks stuff really slow. You basically put anything you want into the pot, plug it in and then go on vacation. When you return, there will be a sumptuous meal waiting for you.
I use it as a meat tenderizer. I try not to eat a lot of red meat but when I do, I know where to go for the best deals in town. Safeway has this area at the end of their meat isle where they put food that is minutes away from going bad. I am of the opinion that if I can apply enough heat to anything, it becomes safe for consumption. So I buy all of my meat there. I call it "meat on the cusp." It's right on the verge of converting to the dark side.
Earlier this week, I bought some of this "choice" meat. It was basically a roast the size and shape of a deflated soccer ball. Since it was not quite brown, I decided to leave it in the fridge overnight for a little more aging. In the morning, I plopped it into the crock pot. The plan was to come home about noon and take it out. However, I forgot all about it. I came home later that evening surprised to find the crock pot on my counter. It had been cooking that meat for over 10 hours! I ran over expecting to find a briquette inside. Instead, there was the most perfect, tender roast of all time.
This is not to say that crock pots can't make mistakes. A few months back I used it to turn a package of split peas into a blunt instrument. Here it the recipe: Add 1 package of split peas and some water. Go on vacation. When you come back you will find you have created a giant green block suitable as either construction material or maybe a boat anchor.
Now for the perfect dessert. This is guaranteed to blow away any diet. Make one batch of instant chocolate pudding. Next, make one batch of instant butterscotch pudding. Set these two next to each other, along with an open container of Cool Whip. Take a wooden spoon (regular spoons are too small). Fill the spoon with one part chocolate pudding, one part butterscotch pudding and two parts Cool Whip. Eat.
There you have it. I am at the airport so I need to run catch my plane.
Bon Apetite!!
jim
