Stuck in the Middle

I was talking with a friend a few months ago.  He was in pain over something; I don't recall the exact situation.  He had either just lost a family member or a relationship ended or something like that.  He wasn't a close friend and it wasn't just him and I alone.  So I can be forgiven if I miss a few details.

The point is that he was in emotional pain.

All of us tried to find ways to comfort him.  "This too shall pass," and such advice was pushed his way in truckloads.  All to no avail.  He was stuck in the Middle.  Ways to relieve the suffering, that were so clear to us outside of the puddle meant nothing to him.

I have been there before.  When you are in the Middle of a dark spot, its hard to find the light. It's hard to believe there is light.

We have all been there.  I am reminded of the song, When a Man Loves a Woman.  There is a line in there about how "she can do no wrong."  He loves her.  He is in the Middle.  If she was the wrong one for him, he would have no clue.  Those of us on the outside, with the clear vision, stay quiet because, hey, what do we know.

I have a situation the occurs to me from time to time.  I wake up at night and worry.  When this used to happen, I would stay up for hours and worry about everything.  I would worry about worrying.  Then, in the morning, I would wake up and think, "What was I worrying about?"  At night, I was in the Middle.

I have since learned.  I anticipate waking up at night but now I am well armed.  You see, I have made a deal with myself.  I will tell myself that in the morning, it will all be alright.  This takes a bit of trust because, after all, I am in the Middle.   In the morning, I feel fine and pat myself on the back and reaffirm the plan should I need it again.

I have other tools.  "This too shall pass," is a great one.  "Wait, I already discounted that one, didn't I?"  Not quite.  I keep this saying in my holster for quick use.  I know that when I need it, it won't work.  It won't work unless I trust myself to believe it.  To do that, I have to have that agreement in place before I get stuck in the Middle.

The key is to know that there will be ups and downs.  During the downtimes, remind yourself to trust that there are up times just around the corner.

My experience has been that this trust makes the down times shorter - less painful.  But it doesn't stop the down times from coming.  I wouldn't want that anyway.

If I was never down, then I probably wouldn't appreciate it as much when I am up.

By the way, every blog I write is nothing more than my talking to myself.  I am not trying to tell anyone else what to do or believe in or anything like that.  If you are reading this, you are just overhearing my soliloquy.


By the way, visit www.worldgratitudelist.com.  Leave a list.  Read a list.  Feel better.  Tell a friend.

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Cheers,

Jim