It's Smite'n time again

I don't think a day goes by when my Facebook page doesn't have at least one reference to God and Hallelujah. I see the news and it doesn't take long to find someone has blown himself (along with a bunch of the unclean) up in the name of some deity.

I just don't get it.

I actually am a little envious.  These people (of all religious faiths) believe!  They will make any sacrifice in the name of this belief.  They will rightly claim that it is this belief that makes their lives worth living.

And here I sit wandering, "Where can I get me some of that?  Where can I get a belief that is so absolute?"

It's not that I'm a disbeliever.  It's more like, I think it's quite possible that everyone is wrong.  I don't know by how much and in what direction but the thought that one single group out of the entire world it right and everyone else is wrong (this is the position that most people take) is, statistically the same as everyone being wrong.

On the other hand, I suppose that it is possible that everyone is right.  I sort of like that idea.  The terrorist that does what he believes his higher power wants is no different from Sally down the street doing what her higher power wants.

I can see it now.  Eyes rolling as you think, "There is no way God wants terrorists to blow stuff up."  Well, if God is willing to have a man saw his son in half, why not blow up a restaurant.  I think it all depends on your perspective.

I have people come to my door and tell me I'm a sinner because I don't go to church.  I once had a woman stop me while I was jogging to point out that the bible says all joggers are going to hell.  That really happened (as opposed to all of the other stuff I just make up.)

The title of my blog is View From the Cheap Seats.  I think that when it comes to what life is and is not about; what God or whomever wants from us - we are all truly sitting in the cheap seats. We are all squinting down to try and see what is going on in the center court and, in the absence of a good view, we trust the person next to us when he says, "I know what's going on down there so listen to me."

I tried to read some of the Quran the other day.  I was seeing a lot of contradictory remarks about what was in there.  Supposedly, its written in plain language so I thought, "Why not read it myself?"

I lasted about 4 lines.  It's about as comprehensible as reading the bible which is to say, everything there can mean whatever I want it to mean; including -"no jogging for you."

Just by chance, I came across some scrolls under an old train track.  There was rust on the rails so you know these were really, really old.  I sat down and started to read.  I was stunned to find that I may have found the great Religious Theory of Everything.  This is the document that could unify all of the worlds spiritual thoughts.  The fact that I found it so easily while the rest of the world passed it by can be explained simply by, "No one was looking for it."

Why look for a unifying theory when the conflict is so much more profitable.  People unite against an enemy; the enemy being everyone that doesn't agree with you.  This unification is power and control for those with the coveted access to the "man behind the curtain in the corner."

I have decided to reprint, verbatim, some of the sacred writings from these newly discovered scrolls.  Here we go...

And the Big Guy said, "And once a week you shalt complement me on my hair lest I smite you down."  And lo, they complemented his hair and it was good.

He then said, and this is the truth, "Tythe 10% to whomever finds these sacred scrolls so that he might pay off his mortgage and build a church in my name.  Once done, I will continue to whisper into his ear what I want you to do because I think that is the best way to communicate with you."

and more....

And so the people did as the Big Guy commanded.  At one time, a prophet climbed Mount Tamalpais and came down with some commandments.    He presented them to his people and it went as follows...

"Alright everyone, listen up.  I have some new laws."

A crowd gathered around.

"First of all, never question the Big Guy's commandments.  He hates that and will issue a smiting to any non-bleivers.  Secondly, left handed people will not be allowed to eat tomatoes on Tuesday or there will be a smiting.  Thirdly.....blah, blah blah smiting."

This went on for some time.  It was a bit like a Microsoft patch.  The Big Guy initially made everyone perfect but then some bad guy (we all need a bad guy) got involved so new rules had to be made; most of which centered around thanking the Big Guy for his judicial use of the "Smite Button" and always remembering to complement him on his hair.

There were several fairy tales scattered throughout the scrolls but I won't insult you with them.  Who would believe in a talking snake anyway.


I don't think I want to go into any more detail.  I'm afraid that I am already pissing off those that just now noticed I don't believe in the same thing they do.

Having said all of that, I need to point out that I do believe.  I believe there is a Higher Power.  Not because my parents made me go to Sunday School; not because Glenn Beck says so; Not because some guy in a sheet blew up a restaurant.

I believe because we, as a species, seem to have an overwhelming need to believe in something greater than ourselves.  That need is not taught, only the interpretation is taught.  That basic comfort we take in knowing that we are not the best there is, that something out there cares enough about us to what us to succeed; this is what we all seem to have in common, or at least some version of it.

So I believe.  I believe in something that is way too complicated for me to understand - so I don't try. 

I just believe.

As for now, I'm off to save the world.

Up, up and away...

j