Stuck in the Middle

I was talking with a friend a few months ago.  He was in pain over something; I don't recall the exact situation.  He had either just lost a family member or a relationship ended or something like that.  He wasn't a close friend and it wasn't just him and I alone.  So I can be forgiven if I miss a few details.

The point is that he was in emotional pain.

All of us tried to find ways to comfort him.  "This too shall pass," and such advice was pushed his way in truckloads.  All to no avail.  He was stuck in the Middle.  Ways to relieve the suffering, that were so clear to us outside of the puddle meant nothing to him.

I have been there before.  When you are in the Middle of a dark spot, its hard to find the light. It's hard to believe there is light.

We have all been there.  I am reminded of the song, When a Man Loves a Woman.  There is a line in there about how "she can do no wrong."  He loves her.  He is in the Middle.  If she was the wrong one for him, he would have no clue.  Those of us on the outside, with the clear vision, stay quiet because, hey, what do we know.

I have a situation the occurs to me from time to time.  I wake up at night and worry.  When this used to happen, I would stay up for hours and worry about everything.  I would worry about worrying.  Then, in the morning, I would wake up and think, "What was I worrying about?"  At night, I was in the Middle.

I have since learned.  I anticipate waking up at night but now I am well armed.  You see, I have made a deal with myself.  I will tell myself that in the morning, it will all be alright.  This takes a bit of trust because, after all, I am in the Middle.   In the morning, I feel fine and pat myself on the back and reaffirm the plan should I need it again.

I have other tools.  "This too shall pass," is a great one.  "Wait, I already discounted that one, didn't I?"  Not quite.  I keep this saying in my holster for quick use.  I know that when I need it, it won't work.  It won't work unless I trust myself to believe it.  To do that, I have to have that agreement in place before I get stuck in the Middle.

The key is to know that there will be ups and downs.  During the downtimes, remind yourself to trust that there are up times just around the corner.

My experience has been that this trust makes the down times shorter - less painful.  But it doesn't stop the down times from coming.  I wouldn't want that anyway.

If I was never down, then I probably wouldn't appreciate it as much when I am up.

By the way, every blog I write is nothing more than my talking to myself.  I am not trying to tell anyone else what to do or believe in or anything like that.  If you are reading this, you are just overhearing my soliloquy.


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Cheers,

Jim

The Power of Now

The title of this post is the same as the title of a popular book.  I haven't read the book but that's okay.  I am not trying to promote the book.  I am, instead, just talking off the top of my head (as always).

Mark Twain (I think it was him) said, "I have lived through some terrible things in my life - and some of them actually happened.

To me, this is a lesson about not worrying about the future.

Some of you will say, "I have to worry!  I need to make money to pay my bills!"

Right you are.  I am not saying to ignore the future.  I am saying, don't worry about things that you have no control over.  I am also saying, don't worry about a few negative outcomes that are floating in an infinite sea of possible outcomes.

Think about the last time you worried about something.  Did worrying help?  Or did it just make you suffer needlessly.  Action is helpful, worry does nothing but destroy your present moment.  It destroys your Now.

The same goes for your past.  What is done is done.  The past is now part of you and, in its entirety, there is nothing you can do to change it.  So why worry about it?  Why let the past destroy your Now?

If you take a look at what is going on with you right now, at this very moment, you will probably find that you are doing okay.  Try to be mindful of those things that you are participating in right now.  Is the sun out?  Is it raining and you are warm inside?  Are you hungry but have food in the refrigerator? Do you have friends or access to friends if you want to.

This concept is hard for some to grasp.  They might say, "right this moment, I am worried about paying my taxes."  A true statement, perhaps, but not a situation that is irrevocably true.  We are all free to change our perspective at any time.  All it takes is the will to do so.

There are those that are hungry and cold and in pain at this very moment.  To live in the Now is to experience that which they don't want to experience.  My tool for this is the mantra, "This too shall pass."

I can look back at times I worried about money and I see time wasted; moments lost forever.  And nothing changed because I worried.  Time passed and conditions changed and the only tangible result that I live with is the fact that I spend part of my life worrying.

Remember, Not Worrying and Inaction are not the same thing.

Right now, I am home with my kids and dog.  We are all going for a hike soon but for now, we are sitting in front of the television and talking about this and that.

Life's good!

It's good because that is how I am choosing to see it.

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