Husbandry

I have been a husband twice which I guess makes me about average.

Along the way, I have done some things right and some things wrong.  Since I am in the list-making mood, I thought I would make a list of lessons learned.

At this point, I must draw a line in the sand, over which no woman may pass.  Thanks for checking in but this is guys only (secret handshake required).

1. 
   
2. Never let you wife know you know how to operate the dishwasher.  You don't know how to load it, how to empty it and how to turn it on.
3. Don't ask your wife to help you solve a problem.  She will try to help and it will only piss you off.
4. Pick your battles.  You will lose almost every argument so just accept it.  She will let you win from time to time just to keep you in the game.  Choose wisely.
5. Keep a list of pretend car ailments that need attention.  You can pursue these if, for example, she wants you to help clean invisible dirt.
6. The yard belongs to you, unless there is something edible in it.  Only women can make a tomato plant grow.
7. Keep a 10-year old handy for hooking up cable TV and such.  Never let your wife know this stuff is PFM (pure fucking magic) to you.
8. Remember that female anatomy is complicated.  They have more moving parts.  When something goes wrong, just take their word for it.  Don't ask too many questions, it will just confuse you.
9. Emotionally, men see happy and angry.  Women see about a million levels in between.  They don't understand when you ask, "Why are you angry."  They don't understand because they don't think that they are (although is certainly appears that way to us).
10. Buy her flowers for no reason.
11. Tell her she's pretty from time to time.
12. Find an activity that gives you time alone with yourself, preferably out of the house.
13. Always remember that sex is way better with your wife than what you think it may be with someone else.
14. Remember days that are important to her.  Write them down because you are a guy.  We forget.
15. Don't try to watch TV while your wife is talking to you.  Choose one or the other because you can't do both.  Women assume you can (because they can) so when you don't answer her, she thinks you are doing it on purpose.
16. Wear nice shoes when you go out with her.
17. Let her pick your clothes for you.  You don't care anyway and its important to her.
18. If she is letting herself go, make sure you aren't before you say anything.
19. Be the dad you wanted your dad to be.
20. Remember the good times because they will carry you through the bad ones.

Okay, so I am not as wise as I had hoped.  Alas...

http://www.worldgratitudelist.com     Leave a list.  Read a list.  Be happy.

j