Overheard

Here are a few things I have recently overheard lately.

Yesterday, a woman in front of me was walking down the jet way to get on an airplane.  She was roughly the size of a 777 engine and looked like she needed to shave.  Speaking loudly into a phone, "Tell him I'll go out with him but there will be no oral sex...that's right, no happy ending on the first date."

Last summer, I joined a bonfire at a beach cabin near lake Balaton in Hungary.  A woman was telling a story about the family that lived next to the cabin they were renting.  She said, "This woman drags something out into the back yard.  As I walk by, on my way to the beach, I see that the "thing" she was dragging was a man who had no legs.  She apparently just dragged him out there so he could enjoy the sunny day.   Not only did he have no legs, he was completely naked and began to masturbate enthusiastically as I walked by."

I just came home from a business trip and I am speaking with my daughter, Cory, about how things are going.  She tells me a story about he friend who works as a dental assistant.  Apparently two other people in the dental office, a man and a woman, were married to each other.  That was before the man woke up gay.  Now they are just friends.  Together they have a 13 year old daughter.  The man has a boyfriend that went to beauty school with my daughter.  He's apparently one of those "look how gay I can be" type of people.  Cory mentioned how the dental gay guy spoiled the hairdresser gay guy.  She also said the hairdresser gay guy didn't like the dental gay guy's daughter.  For some reason, this all struck me as very funny, especially coming from my daughter.  She went on to tell me how the two men went on an annual cruise ship for gay people only.  I'm thinking, "How romantic" when she tells me that they have an open relationship and basically see how much "other" stuff they can do, apparently not with each other, while on the ship.

Hmmmm - I'm only 52 and I still sometimes think, "What a long strange trip it's been."

My son, Matt, always has something unbelievable to tell me when I get home from a trip.  This time it was that a couple of days ago, a  sister of a friend's brother met a guy at a bar.  They got very friendly but she declined an invitation to go home with him.  The next morning, she had sores on her mouth.  A doctor looked at them and got excited.  Apparently, she had a disease that only comes from dead people.  The police were notified and they found the guy from the night before.  When they got to his house, they found several bodies of women that he has brought home and apparently, munched on!?

That kind of thing almost never happens to me.

Overheard while standing in line, "Two things I will never try are liquid cocaine and sex with an alligator."

I see the Quaran burning thing is not going to happen.  I now find myself somewhat relieved.  The reason for the burn, to protest the mosque in New York, was ridiculous.  I have always thought that.  The preacher wanted to burn the Quaran simply to offend.  I was against it.  However, when threats came in that if he was to burn it, people would be killed, I changed my position.  I don't negotiate with terrorists and that was what it was.  "Do only what we allow you to do or we will kill you" is the message I got.

We caved.

This is not something new.  We cave all the time.  I can't bring toothpaste onto an airplane because we caved.  I have to take off my shoes to go through screening because we caved.  I sometimes think that the world's terrorist networks are nothing more than a bunch of pranksters.  They sit in caves and try to come up with ways to make us afraid of the most ridiculous things.

And finally, Ballard Street, the comic strip, was really funny today.  Don't take my word for it.  Ask Wesley.

I would go on but you know how it is - I have a world to save.

Up, up and away.

J